I never make New Year resolutions. I figure if there is something I really need to start doing or want to give up, I don’t need the help of Big Ben’s midnight chimes.
However, this does not mean I don’t think they are a good thing. If they can help someone feel better about themselves or make the world a better place then they are to be welcomed.
I have no idea how many footballers make New Year resolutions, but there are certainly some I would like to imagine making small promises to themselves to help clean up their sport. So in true ‘Mock the Week’ style, I have come up with some New Year Resolutions we would like to see from figures who have featured prominently in the Respect columns so far, as well as a few others…
Arsene Wenger: I promise to acknowledge and accept when one of my players has done wrong.
Wayne Rooney: I will try to accept the referee’s decision without a four-letter-word-filled rant.
Alex Ferguson: I will not blame every Manchester United defeat on the amount of injury-time allocated at the end of the match.
Didier Drogba: I will complete a match without going to the ground clutching my face/knee/elbow/ear/left nostril (delete as appropriate).
Ashley Cole: When the referee calls me over I will go straight to him and look him in the eye like a man, rather than turn and run away.
Rafa Benitez: I promise I will never, ever, ever, ever give another sarcastic post-match interview. Honest.
Michel Platini: I promise to try to crack a smile if a team from the Premier League wins this season’s Champions League.
Steven Gerrard: I promise I will not dive in a match (immediately after I have condemned foreign players for doing exactly that).
Gary Neville: I promise to personally apologise to every Liverpool supporter I have offended during my career. Actually, I promise to apologise to every football supporter, regardless of who they support, I might have offended during my career.
Sepp Blatter: I promise to say something encouraging about England’s World Cup 2016 bid.
Stan Collymore: I promise to host an intelligent debate about football on TalkSport.
Mark Lawrenson: I will not smirk and chuckle at any mention of a football team ranked lower than England at the World Cup.
Emmanuel Adebayor: I will celebrate goals in a cool, calm, dignified and tasteful manner. Especially against Arsenal.
Jose Mourinho: (See Adebayor above – but especially against Chelsea).
Thierry Henry: I will declare myself unavailable for selection at the World Cup for France, out of respect to the Irish.
Joey Barton: I promise to stop making tired and empty promises to the media about how I have ‘changed’. Oops!
Neil Warnock: I promise to praise the referee’s performance after every game – and actually mean it.
And finally…..
Every pundit, commentator or ex-professional: I will stop dismissing blatant deliberate cheating merely as ‘professionalism’.
Happy New Year!